"Sexual assault is any sexual activity to which you haven't freely given your consent." (Source)Well my sexual assault is clearly not as severe as others, but I never gave any consent to any of my guy friends to touch my breasts or my ass - I forgot to mention my butt. And that's kind of just a little eensy weensy bit of a sexual act that I did NOT in fact ever want!
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that none of these things ever evolved into anything more. However, I have a right to make it an issue.
On to sexual harassment:
"The legal definition of sexual harassment is 'unwelcome verbal, visual, or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working conditions or creates a hostile work environment.'" (Source)Yup, it's pretty broad. Although, I don't think it's that complicated to understand that when a guy hugs you when it is uninvited or looks at your breasts when you talk to them....I think the definition is clear and it sticks!
Earlier today, I couldn't get over the fact that one of my GOOD FRIENDS had sexually assaulted me and I was not able to ever pinpoint what he did to me exactly until now. Until a feminist group posted my blog with a description that included Sexual Assault. And as I explained this to my boyfriend, he told me he always wondered why I was still friends with people like mine. He said it was so clearly sexual assault.
Still though, even now I'm uncomfortable writing about this, acknowledging this. It was sexual assault. And I bet many readers are wondering, "How the hell is she that stupid?"
Well, I'm not.
I've been friends with this guy since I was in 10th grade and am now a 4th year in college. We went pretty far back. And we were there for each other often. But when I really think about it, he was kind of an asshole when he was "trying" to be there for me. I suppose that could be due to other underlying issues I have though - I have many.
It's not my fault and I'm not stupid, because when I put it all together, almost every guy I've ever been friends with, acquaintances with, close to, etc. - Key word: almost - had sexually assaulted me or sexually harassed me in some way.
When I did not want to hug two guys (different occasions), they proceeded to get pissed off at me, one even pushed me.
Don't get me started on the guy that kissed my shoulder, when I had no clue he was even behind me...IN CLASS. (I was a freshman in high school.)
Is it really that weird then that I thought that my friends were actually friends??
Not really. I actually noticed many girls brush these types of things off as if they were normal.
Apparently, many guys (not all) honestly believe that it is their right to treat girls this way. To treat their friends this way. And that's how it gets all messy and confusing. Boys that assault us or harass us are not evil sexual perpetrators from the beginning...hopefully... They are nice and they act like normal people. They befriend you, and when you're comfortable and trusting of them...they literally may lay it down on you and I don't mean that as a joke.
Now let me ask you, how often has this happened to you? Think really hard about it. Because if you are a girl or a woman and have experienced any of these things, chances are it is very possible that it has happened to you. If not, that's stupendously awesome in an unsarcastic note! I mean it. I hope there are more women out there who haven't been put through this. Unfortunately though, too many women and girls do and will go through this, if they haven't already. And hopefully, they're educated enough to pinpoint that this here is a big red flagged problem. If they're not, it's in no way their fault.
If you do realize that this has happened to you and it bothers you, I suggest you talk to a counselor. Many times therapy is extremely necessary when sexual assault or harassment is involved. Just remember, you're not alone.
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